Thursday, February 17, 2011

Reason #5 - Why I will never win

Ok I will preface the below timeline by saying this is not what I would consider a bad day by any means. Nope. In my world this is just a regular old day...

6:45 AM: I told myself I *had* to be out the door at this time in order to run a morning errand and be at my desk at 7:30. Consequently I am not leaving yet...

6:52 AM: I am finally ready to leave the house. Unfortunately the deadbolt on the front door is acting up again. I unlock the bottom lock, reopen and reclose the door in attempt to better align the top lock. I successfully relock the bottom lock and insert my key into the top lock to try my luck. The key easily turns. Woohoo! Milliseconds later I hear the deadbolt knob hit the floor inside the house. Doh!hit the alarm button, walk away and hope for the best.

6:54 AM: Get into my car. It doesn't start. Sadly this is normal. I must now perform high tech trickery in order to make my diva of a Chevy run.

6:56 AM: Finally pull out of my driveway.

7:15 AM: Pick a particularly stuck-on eye crusty out of the corner of my right eye. Think nothing more about it. Until...

9:50 AM: My coworker asks me why the corner of my right eye is all read. I run into the bathroom and indeed look like I jammed a stick in my cornea. Ironically it matches the the big red scab on my nose from where I dropped a 45 pound barbell on my face earlier in the week.

10:45 AM: I realize I forgot the clean gym shirt I meant to bring with me today. My options are now topless or stinky shirt from yesterday. I think it's best for all if I opt for stinky shirt and just shower extra hard afterwards.

10:50 AM: Decide my supply closet at work is a mess. I put away all the supplies I have yet to unpack from the last delivery and carefully sweep up every last one of the 300 Styrofoam peanuts covering the floor.

10:55 AM: New order arrives. Closet is subsequently a mess of boxes and Styrofoam peanuts again.

11:21 AM: In preparation for my lunchtime workout I decide to fuel up on some yogurt. I take a bite and immediately spit it out. Yogurt isn't supposed to taste furry is it? I check the due date. It says March 12th. However I'm assuming the sticky purpley gob down the side of the container means it wasn't sealed quite right. ::SIGH:: Good thing I have extras in the fridge.

11:35 AM: I get into the lockerrom and begin changing for my lunchtime workout. I realize my underwear is on inside out.

4:30 PM: Leave job one and start driving to job two. Decide to use the free 30 minutes I have to contact my new travel agent about my honeymoon. Sadly I get her voice mail. I leave a message.

4:35 PM: Phone begins to ring. I get happy as I expect it is the travel agent calling back. Weird, it's an 800 number though. Hmmmm...I answer. It is not the travel agent. It is in fact Chase fraud services calling. They want to know if I recently bought $2000 worth of electronics in Florida or set up a NetFlix account. Ummmmm...NO! This is the second time in the last three months that one of my Chase credit cards has been stolen. The ironic part is I only used the card that was hijacked this time for a balance transfer. It has never left my wallet. I have never bought anything with it. I literally transferred a balance to it (on Chase's website) and pay it every month (on Chase's website). So tell me how this happens? The fine people at Chase owe me an explanation. I will deal with that tomorrow though.

4:57 PM: My travel agent calls me back. Unfortunately I'm walking into job two so I can't chat. Sad because I totally NEED A VACATION!

6:00 PM: While at 2nd work (as I like to call it) I realize my right eye is really bothering me. I begin to think maybe  I actually have pink eye and not just a tragic eye crust injury.

7:30 PM: Finally make it home. Demolish my dinner and put on my pajamas. Do I care if I fall asleep at 8:30? Negative. 

And I'll do it all again tomorrow...

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