Thursday, October 27, 2011

Reason #9 - Why I think it's fish...or is it chicken?

Well folks, it's official (sort of). Jessica Simpson is definitely (probably) with child! For those of you following baby-gate 2011 I doubt this news comes as any shock to you. Over the year we've all been privy to Jessica's struggle with weight. But I think it's been pretty clear over the last few weeks that this is more then just a post Dukes of Hazard break from the gym. Now before I go any further, I need to disclose to you all that I actually quite enjoy Jessica. I think she's cute and fun and designs a really killer pair of heels. Over the years I have felt bad for her when tabloids printed unflattering pictures of her in so-called "mom jeans" and took cheap jabs at her waistline. I wanted to personally slap John Mayer for the disgusting things he told Playboy about their sex life. I have forgiven her for making Major Movie Star because I understand we all make mistakes. I don't believe she ever jinxed Tony Romo. He's married to someone else now and still throws three interceptions a game. And quite frankly I agree with her that it is a bit confusing whether Chicken of the Sea is chicken or fish. All in all she's definitely gotten a bad wrap from the media in the past. This latest wave of rumors really has me doubting her for the first time though. According to the gossip Jessica has yet to officially announce her pregnancy because she's looking for a tabloid to pay her $500,000 for the exclusive revelation. Now I don't know if the rest of you realize this, but Jessica Simpson is rich. Like REALLY rich. Richer then you'd probably think given you haven't seen her put out an album or star in a movie recently. But the truth is that slapping your name on cute clothing and fake hair can be a gold mine. Literally. Last year it was reported her clothing empire raked in just under $1 billion. That's right, One billion dollars (eat your heart out Dr Evil). So it really bothers me that she'd be out there trying to make cash off her fetus when it's clearly not necessary. After all, she isn't one of MTV's Teen Moms. I mean those girls actually need to sell their tales of woe to magazines in order to feed their children. I really just expected more from Jessica. Clearly she has enough money. I doubt she needs the $500k for Jr's college fund. So why not just spread your good news for free? Or if you prefer to stay mum about your personal business I'm all for that too. I mean we can obviously see what is going on for ourselves. No explanations needed. I guess what I'm trying to say is, you are coming off desperate and greedy Jess. And I for one hope these rumors are completely false. Because you are better then pimping out your unborn child for ill gotten gains. For god's sake you aren't a Kardashian!

PS I have decided I am not telling the world about any future pregnancies on my part for less then one dozen Magnolia cupcakes,  a Target gift card and a bag of Combos. What? They are good! So be prepared to pony up or you'll just have to wait nine months to see how it all pans out.

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