Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Reason #15 - Why Christmas Needs To Hold It's Horses

In case you are not my Facebook friend (which I imagine 99.9% of you are) I'm totally pissed off right this second. Route 287 has defeated me yet again and I am not handling it well. I am pouting and eating pizza in protest (of what? I'm not sure). Since I'm already all sorts of fired up I was thinking it was a good time to tell you how about some other things that are ruffling my feathers these days. Like, why the hell can't Congress get along? They act like a bunch of spiteful five year olds who won't share a toy just because they can't stand to see someone else play with it. Also, can someone explain Occupy Wall Street to me? Because I just don't understand all of the bongos. And, for the love of god, tell me how it's possible that Whitney has not been cancelled yet? But the one thing that is pissing me off the most? Christmas! Yeah that's right. Christmas. You know why? Because it's not freaking Christmas time yet! Want to know how I know that? Because I have yet to eat my turkey on THANKSGIVING. That's right...Thanksgiving...the holiday after Halloween and before the jolly fat man starts shimmying down chimneys. It seems like people  have forgotten it exists this year. As evidenced by the Christmas commercials I woke to on the morning after Halloween. Seriously. The first thing I saw on November 1st was snow and jingle bells. Horrifying. And as of Friday radio stations have already started playing 24 hour holiday music. Which would be totally cool if there were more then two Thanksgiving songs...and if those radio stations bothered to play either of them. But no. It's all "Ho ho ho" and "deck those halls." I find the whole thing quite off-putting. It's so obviously more about consumerism then it is holiday cheer. And that's what I find the most insulting about it all. The whole point of Thanksgiving is to give thanks. To spend time with family and reflect on all the things we have to be grateful for. But here we are being pushed and prodded to skip right over all that and go straight to the gift-giving. I refuse to have any part of this though. My totally awesome Pottery Barn turkey is holding court in the center of my dining room table. He will not move until I've had at least two helpings of his comrades covered in cranberry sauce. My festive fall wreath will remain on my door until all the pecan pie leftovers are gone. And not an evergreen scented candle will burn until I've napped off my Black Friday shopping buzz (ok so I'm a little about consumerism just not until 5am the morning after Thanksgiving). For I will not overshadow the purest and most delicious of all the holidays. I will not forsake pies for poinsettias or giving thanks for giving gifts. There will be plenty of time for all things jolly starting first thing Friday. But for now I urge you all to put down the egg nog and get those turkey basters ready. Gobble Gobble!

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