Reason #11 - Why you need to put the boots down and back away slowly

FASHION ALERT! I don't know if you know this, but leopard print is hot this year! It's everywhere. There is definitely no shortage of spotted jungle cat items on the shelves this season. And that's all well and good except...well...leopard print is sort of my thing. I've pretty much been dressing like a 65 year old Boca Raton retiree since I was 15. My college dorm room? Yeah it looked like a leopard hocked a huge hairball all over it. Bed spread. Lamps. Throw rug. Cork board. Slippers. If it was socially acceptable to hand in a 40 page thesis printed on leopard trimmed paper you can bet your bottom dollar that I would have done it.  (Side note: I did actually draw a picture of my leopard print slippers for an art project once. Ironically years later my idol, Jen Lancaster, would chose a virtually identical picture for the cover of her book My Fair Lazy. If this does not say we should be friends then I don't know what does). So anyway, you'd think I'd be pretty stoked to see the ample selection of leopard print items currently available to me. But truthfully I'm annoyed. Firstly, all of a sudden I look like some sort of trendy biter when - hello - Elle magazine is totally biting off of me! Secondly, I used to have first pick of the few leopard items I'd find. But now I seem to have last pick of all that is available. Suddenly I have to fight other women for an Old Navy sweater dress that last year no one would have cared about. Right now I'm particularly annoyed about the pair of leopard print hooker boots that is NOT currently sitting in my closet. You know why? Sold out in size 7.5 and 8! What gives? It's almost my birthday and all this girl wants is some spotted hooker heels. Is that too much to ask? So basically I need everyone to just back up off my leopard print. I need you all to drop this trend as fast as those MC Hammer genie pants they tried to push on us last year. Please feel free to buy up all the zebra and giraffe prints you want. Just say no to leopard though!

P.S. My friend Kritt walked in as I was writing this post and she wanted me to know that animal print is so not her thing. I appreciate that you are not out there stealing my boots Kritt. That is what true friendship is all about.